I’ve learned many many things this semester. Most importantly… people
don’t know how to deal and can’t handle anything out of the routine. If
I don’t fit in with someone’s idea of a typical “friend,” I’m
outcasted. If I’m not happy and joyous and “gee golly gosh let’s have
some tea!”  I  get  told that I need to “fix a lot of
things in my life” … whereupon I realize that stating some of the
things that run through my head at the time, probably just reaffirm the
above statement.

I’ve learned that no one wants to hear about psychiatrists, therapists,
ambien, hallucinations, or Zoloft. It’s something that I grew so
accustomed to everyone at home just joking and discussing, that I
figured the rest of the world must be just as tolerant. I mean, this is
2006 and I’m going to the best public university in the world
(debatable) with such “liberal minds” but I find that the people I left
in uber-conservative Redlands could deal with the fact that the world
wasn’t all sunshine smiles and “I have 2 closets full of clothes…
zomg this is overwhelming what  do I wear?!” problems.

I’ve also learned that I really don’t care much for this semester. It’s
just very hard to just care. This statement has been said at numerable
inappropriate times (ex. “I’m feeling really shaky… like I’m going to
throw up” “[me] … I just wish I cared more…”) but all in all, I’ve
realized that something that’s become positive is a new apathy toward
people. I’ve grown up  with the mind that people’s opinion
mattered so much to me and now that I’m just kind of like “whatever, do
what you want, just don’t bother me about it” … I have to say, I’m
just more content about life.

Sitting in my room, drinking a whole bottle of Martinelli’s, wearing an
eye-patch, looking through a cardboard wrapping paper tube, and playing
pirate is OK. I’m not normal… but I’m better than the slaves to
society I’ve met here. And I’m glad.

Oh, and by the way, I don’t care if some people think I talk about it
too much… I’m just peachy with my sleeping pill induced
hallucinations and I LIKE seeing the Beatles performing in my room. I’m
not going to stop taking them. People can get over it. (It’s funny how
these comments are directed to people who don’t even see this. ha.)

Disneyland this weekend. Lizzy and I saw Walt Disney in Dwinelle. And it was good. Have a stickupforyourself weekend!